Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Apologizing One Last Time!

To Everyone I know,

I have been in Maneadero, Mexico for over three weeks now. My life has spun 540 degrees. I learned that over the last decade I have changed so drastically that I completely lost my identity. I fell victim to depression 8 years ago which has altered my lifestyle, moral fiber, mentality, personality and completely killed any joy that had opportunity to arise. It has been a sad, long and windy road and on the way I lost many great friendships, a lover and grown to hate and build a wall of animosity towards my family. This person that I created was not me but merely a visage that I have up until recently allowed to take over every aspect of my character. What's even more sad there are hundreds maybe even thousands of people that only know this monster, this altered ego, this shamed being that I have portrayed over the past decade. I have been ashamed to be myself, I have condemned myself to worthlessness, I have hated myself. About a week ago I was sitting at a table speaking with another Torontonian visiting Maneadero for a few weeks. He started a conversation with me by saying "Wow Ryan you have changed a lot since you have arrived here in a short amount of time, you are a changed man already!" and at that very moment I realized everything I just explained written above, and it was at that very moment I realized which I also explained to him, the man that you met when I arrived here was the changed man...the man that you see today is actually the original Ryan, the man I was intended to be, the man who has a zeal for life, the man who craves inspiration and is motivated regardless of circumstances and unfavorable situations, the man God made me to be. It has been a long time to get to this point in realization but I am here and full of joy and now nothing can stop me. The worst has been thrown at me, almost killing me but I survived and now its time for the best to come out and play. So for all those who are reading this and for everyone that will probably never see this entry, for the deception I have portrayed, for the hurt I have caused, for the lies I have spewed, for the person that I have been...
I sincerely apologize one last time.

Find Christ's Identity in your life and life will give yours.

God is good fam!



p.s. More about my actual experience in the village and children and how God is using this mission center to bring hope will be coming soon in my next entry so stay tuned all six of you! haha!!


  1. i forgive you.



    ryan, that was lovely! so glad ryvelations is back up and running. proud of you bud. talk to you on gchat. or gtalk. whatever it is.

  2. i'm going to have to give the credit for this post to myself HAHA!

  3. yooo ry,

    makes me happy to know Gods doing crazy things in and through you. smiles all around! I'll continue to pray for you! =)